Why I Won’t Make It To Your Event and Why You Shouldn’t Get Upset: Chronic Pain Edition


I recently came across a story of a bride that charged her guests that RSVPed but didn’t show up. I am actually SHOCKED to learn this is a growing trend! A few years ago I missed the wedding of a very close family member even though I RSVPED. I have also missed countless baby showers, birthdays, graduations and more all because of one culprit…my chronic pain! Luckily all of the folks in my life have been super understanding but here is a list I made that are the main reasons I have had to miss these events even though I RSVPED.

  1. Severe Pain! I have Chronic Pain that often comes and goes! I literally have NO warning signs and can wake up one day feeling like I can run a marathon and another morning like I am a Zombie. All the Ibuprofen and Alcohol in the WORLD couldn’t numb my pain. The thought of having to sit through a wedding and a reception is just overwhelming and I physically and emotionally can’t handle it.
  2. Severe Fatigue! As you can imagine severe fatigue comes hand in hand with Chronic Pain. It severely affects my sleep and my mental state. On top of being exhausted, I can also feel anxious, paranoid and a whole array of other emotions due to my lack of sleep mixed with the emotions of your event, I’m a ticking emotional time bomb ready to blow.
  3. Financially Strapped! When I RSVPED I might not have expected to be financially strapped by the time your event rolled around but between copays, therapies(physical therapy, pool therapy and pain management), medications, missed work etc I am just financially strapped. Chronic Pain is expensive!
  4. Didn’t Want to be A Debby Downer. This was actually one of the reasons I missed my family members wedding. I was in such a depressed state from being in chronic pain for months I just KNEW if I went I would be a downer to everyone around me. Their day was about the Bride and Groom and they deserved to have the spotlight on them.
  5. Forget! I don’t know HOW many things I’ve written down on the calendar and STILL forget! Between doctors appointments and trying to juggle daily life, there are days I even forget to LOOK at the calendar and actually end up missing appointments…which brings me to my LAST reason.
  6. Doctors Appointment I Can’t Miss! As you can imagine with Chronic Pain comes MANY doctors visits. Many of them take MONTHS to get in advanced and their offices often have a zero tolerance for cancellations. I recently got my first appointment with the local pain specialist after 6 MONTHS of trying! Right now I have around 8-10 appointments a month, one of the doctors I see, I drive over 45 minutes one way to see at his office.

So please, don’t take it personal if I have to cancel.

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