Coping with the death of a pet

The one part of pet ownership that I always dread is when they become ill or pass away. Research even shows that for many people, losing a pet is compatible with losing a human family member. For me personally, as an adult the two times I have lost a pet, it came with other emotions such as guilt and like I didn’t do enough to “save them”. That happened recently with the loss of our beloved cat Trina.

RIP Trina May 19th, 2021

Trina unexpectedly passed away in her sleep the very same day I had Thomas. I was actually just wheeled back from my c-section when my husband delivered the devastating news as one of our family members discovered Trina when she visited to feed her. I felt so guilty that I was stuck at the hospital and not there for Trina when she passed. This left me aboustely DEVASTATED and feeling hopeless.

We suspected something was going on with Trina and the day we left for the hospital she had actually snuck outside and was found hiding under our porch. I hate to speculate but I think Trina either caught a cold while outside overnight or in her older age, she just knew the time was coming as the few days previous Trina clunge to me. I assumed it was because I was in labor off and on but looking back I suspect these were signs something was off with her.

My husband actually left the hospital shortly after and made the over hour and a half round trip to properly deal with the situation. I was left so devastated and I am still 4 weeks later trying to fully cope.

Here are some things that have helped me and my family:

• Allow Time to Grieve. A LOT of people kept telling me that I have a new son to focus on and I should just “move on”. HARD STOP! Give yourself time to grieve and heal. Like I mentioned above, losing a pet is comparable to losing a human family member to many. I remember sobbing in the hospital several times and even days after we came home. Allow yourself to go with the flow of it and I guarantee you will go through the stages of loss and grief as you would with human loss.
• Explain in an age-appropriate way to your children. My stepchildren are 9 and 6 so we had to explain to them in different ways. My stepdaughter who is 9 was much more upset than my 6-year-old stepson. For her, I sat her down in a quiet place and we discussed what happened. We were blunt and honest with her and had a discussion about death. She is a very smart girl and we discussed the stages of grief and loss. How it was okay to be upset and she actually has visited Trina’s grave several times with me to leave flowers and other offerings. As for my stepson, it was a little harder, I explained to him that Trina “went to sleep and didn’t wake up”. He had some questions about death that we answered honestly and we had a discussion about how Trina went peacefully in her sleep and isn’t in pain. I don’t think he fully has grasped it yet though as he sometimes asks where Trina went but otherwise doesn’t seem phased.
• Honor your pet with a ceremony or service. My husband made the 1.5+ hour round trip to handle the situation so I didn’t have to. He buried Trina promptly in a beautiful spot that we do pagan rituals at that overlooks a pond in the woods. It is a beautiful spot and I make it a habit to go down ATLEAST weekly to check out the site and leave little offerings. I have left flowers, brought my stepdaughter down there, and even planted some sunflowers and onions near the spot. I found that this has helped us both with coping with the loss.
• Reach out for support. There is nothing wrong with seeking support from friends, family, or even a therapist.
• Maintain a schedule. Coming home from the hospital to the death of a pet was incredibly hard. A new baby had our schedule all over the place anyway but my husband actually pointed out how important it was for our other animals to keep a schedule. I only noticed a huge change in our dog but again, I don’t know if that was due to the death of Trina or a new baby. Still, it’s important to maintain their feeding schedule and offer a little extra love.
• Self Care. Self-care is very important, do something for yourself that boosts your mood. This could take a walk, take a bath, cook your favorite food or etc. This really depends on your personality but it’s important to do something for yourself that will relieve stress.
• Donate to a local shelter or etc in your pet’s name. This is a beautiful way to honor your pet, you could also consider donating your time and volunteer. For some people helping other animals helps boost their mood and helps with feeling accomplished. If you are unsure I highly suggest searching “Animal Shelters Near Me”.

In the end, just remember it will take time to grieve the loss and there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help. It is highly recommended to NOT adopt another pet right away which is another reason that volunteering is a great way to go. Allow yourself to heal and don’t rush the process.