Why I Stopped Breastfeeding
Some of the reasons new moms stop breastfeeding before they intend to are typically milk supply, feeding problems, and lack of support. Mental health reasons are also another big reason and I feel it isn’t talked about it. When I had Thomas, I knew I wanted to at least try breastfeeding, I had a personal goal of 6 months. We had a decent start in the hospital. We met with a lactation counselor, Thomas was latching okay and things were on their way. Coming home, things were iffy and Thomas had issues latching. I quickly switched to pumping which went okay for a few weeks.
I have a wonderful support network including Thomas’s pediatrician, a Visting Nurse(whom we meet with monthly), and tons of friends who are doulas.
Support was NEVER a factor in why I stopped breastfeeding.
Fast forward to around the month and a half mark. Pumping was chore that I hated, hours were spent trying to get Thomas to latch through screaming fits, and every time I pumped I found myself in tears. It became an obsession to “produce enough” and any time I pumped under 2 ounces, it sent me spiraling. During one of the last visits with the visiting nurse, she asked me “How are you feeling?” This statement sent me totally spiraling and I was pretty much sobbing in this poor women’s lap. I told her that I just felt defeated and done. I had consulted multiple online groups, spoken to his pediatrician and other moms. That is when the visiting nurse gave me wonderful reassurance.
“Your Mental Health Matters”
“You Are Not A Bad Mom”
These statements made me feel like I wasn’t the complete failure I was convinced I am. I truly had an amazing support system and I even had friends gifting me the very best breastfeeding supplements. Support truly was never an issue of why I felt so horrible. I think it was a mixture of new mom exhaustion, multiple stressful events(death of Loki and Trina), and existing mental health issues that all just collided. Both our pediatrician and the visiting nurse told me that the mental health of the new mother should ALWAYS trump their desire to breastfeed. I am grateful that I had multiple support systems offered to me including lactation counseling from multiple agencies, even having one offering me complimentary counseling.
I’m very grateful for the short time I was able to experience it but I’m also an advocate for mental health support. I truly think if I had not tried to hang on so long for the sole purpose of not feeling like a failure, my mental health would have thanked me.
If you are struggling, please reach out to your OBGYN, Pediatrician, or Mental health Services.
You are NOT a failure.
I am not arguing that breastfeeding doesn’t have proven benefits but there are options including donor milk if you are hesitant about formula feeding. I did a mixture of milk from my stockpile and then fully weaned to formula. We have been full formula fed for over a month with no issues.
Before You Stop:
I HIGHLY RECOMMEND meeting with a lactation counselor, OBGYN or Pediatrician before abruptly stopping. The decision to stop was carefully coordinated with our visiting nurse, Pediatrician and Therapist. I am a strong supporter of Breastfeeding Education. I believe every person should have access to breastfeeding information.
Remember:
You need to take care of YOURSELF so you can take care of your little one! I fully stand by why I stopped breastfeeding.
I think breast is best and think it’s great when a mother can breastfeed. However, I think a lot of mothers believe they’re a failure if baby is on formula. That’s not the case. I think mental health of mom is much more important than whether baby is breastfeeding or formula-fed. Kudos to you!
[…] my second Mother’s Day since having Thomas. I recently reread my birth story, revisited our breastfeeding journey, and went over a post I wrote about the things I learned as a new mom. Thomas is about to be two […]
It doesn’t matter a damn if you feed breast milk or formula. All that matters is that baby is fed. I breast-fed my daughter with NO problems (she latched on immediately, I had lots of milk) for 2 1/2 YEARS. I never needed a lactation counselor or any of that. Formula never touched her. When it was time to start baby cereal I squirted a bit of my fresh milk into the cereal. I wanted the bonding with my baby, the holding, the closeness that I knew would set the foundation for our life-long love. She self-weaned, slowly, at 2 1/2.
Fast forward: I am now 69, Jill is 44, and I haven’t seen her since 1999. I have 4 grandchildren that I’ve never met, the oldest will be 18 this month. She has me blocked on all social media, phone, and email. The only time I’ve heard from her since she was 19 was to ask for money on the phone. $700 for an outstanding electric bill, money for gas, rent, and most recently, (5 years ago), $500 for an abortion. (Yes, she is married).
That bonding thing sure worked out good, huh?
Yes, I am bitter, and always will be.