Life dropped a DAMN bombshell on me today….My 9-year relationship came to a very sudden end….Honestly, I didn’t see it coming at first. I was TOTALLY blinded sided at first but after reflecting for a few hours there were SO many signs and I was SO blind.
Everyone I have spoken to today has been like “OMG! BURN HIS STUFF!!” and “I WOULD BE SO ANGRY” but the thing is I’m not even angry. I was REALLY confused at first because I expected to be furious and I think he did as well. I won’t lie, I was really angry for a few minutes but then I realized being angry doesn’t do anything for the situation.
About a year ago I started doing DBT skills and I really think one of the reasons I reacted so well was because of all the effort I have put into my mental health. My first thought when all of this went down was consequences. I kept telling my self that if I get angry, scream, yell and throw his stuff outside that it would do absolutely NOTHING for the situation.
Starting a bonfire on the front lawn with his stuff isn’t going to magically make him love me and all its really going to do is make me look bad and have potential consequences which is part of what DBT taught me.
I have instead decided to meet him with compassion. Many people are BAFFLED at how I could meet him with compassion especially after he told me today that his feelings have changed but I feel like compassion is going to be the best thing for both of us. Anger, blaming and fighting is only going to delay the healing process.
I am not saying you aren’t allowed to have emotions. This is still really fresh and my emotions have been all over the place. You are totally allowed to not be okay, but sometimes in order to heal you have to accept what life throws at you, even if it feels like the end of the world.
I am honestly REALLY excited to see what life has in store for me.